I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 123. Bill Murray, 258. In between, I am alive. 134. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 46. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. - Christopher Reeve. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Shoot for the moon. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Bill Murray Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I enjoy every minute of it. 211. 60. 7. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. The world is missing some pizzazz. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". Live life to the fullest. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Today is a great day. It doesnt work if it is not open. 26. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Description for this block. Let me know in the comments section down below! 59. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 212. 130. Milton Berle, 245. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 113. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Its scary when it disappears. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 84. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. 7. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . You can only be young once. Bill Murray I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. 8. If only common sense were more common. 5. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 189. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 1. 8. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. 122. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 1. 185. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 79. I am adventurous. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. The best things in life are free. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. How do you count cows? Why was six scared of seven? Effective pushing often involves poop. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Ann Landers, 244. Steven Wright My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 181. 3. 86. 213. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 62. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Who cares about the future? 188. 268. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 178. Funny positive affirmations do work. 264. 162. Decomposing. 3. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Unknown. Need to send some positive energy your way? You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Send me the link. 10. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 176. 197. 28. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 179. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. New year, new me. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 48. 33. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Stuart Turner I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I am awesome. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 206. Art doesnt transform. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 23. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. My mistakes dont define me. 197. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. 34. 249. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 61. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Learn sign language, its very handy. I didnt want to interrupt her. The library, because it has so many stories. 264. 37. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 44. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 35. Because they make up everything. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 233. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. I love my job only when Im on vacation. But it'll move up again.". Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Oh sheet! 2. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 265. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Funny Friday Quotes. He who laughs last didnt get it. 203. I thought you said extra fries. 49. I love my body. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 69. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I am my childs greatest comfort. I will smile while I still have my teeth. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? So, why not team them up? 48. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. This is a snap. 52. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. In the morning, I cant get up. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. 38. 22. We have a connection. 63. It gets toad away. 205. 166. 3. Good morning! Cry a river. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. 76. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 1. 195. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 123. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. I am happy and joyful. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 117. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Take a look! 200. 157. Happy Birthday.". Henny Youngman Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 183. 1. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? As I become responsible, I have got more powers. Happiness is a choice. 137. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 213. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 125. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 7. Sam Levenson. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 209. 172. 2. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 16. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. It will just flow naturally. 168. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. 27. 26. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A mind is like a parachute. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 64. I am quite fascinating. Your email address will not be published. Charles M. Schulz 9. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 32. My mistakes dont define me. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. 68. 133. Wonderwoman: single. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Education cost money. When they go away, its a brighter day. And get over it. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Read the first word again. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 170. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 73. I'm a peli-can! Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 67. Have a look! I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. 134. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. No, but April may. Positive mindset affirmations. - Unknown. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 50. 58. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 120. Ann Landers 102. A backbone. 1. 33. Edward A. Murphy. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. - Billie Burke. 136. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 270. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Bill Murray, 251. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Snowballs. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Ken Dodd, 255. 244. Funny Affirmations. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. At night, I cant fall asleep. Socrates. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. I can do this. 149. Enjoy! Words have the power to make or break us. 70. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 273. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Everyone brings happiness to this office. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Really? 237. 1. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Stop playing with me., 6. Edward A. Murphy Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. Frances McDormand, 42. 188. The thing is, I am still getting ready. Everyone brings happiness to this office. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 232. Helen Giangregorio 189. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. P.D. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. 41. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 255. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Breasts dont have eyes. 16. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 107. 242. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. 50. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 128. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 140. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 124. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Bill Murray, 257. I am calm, patient and at peace. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Honolulu, its got everything. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Sincerely, the floor. What do computers eat for a snack? 12. 203. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. What is Mozart doing right now? Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. P.D. 165. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 100. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Oh sheet!. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 4. 227. 32. 202. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I understand success cant happen overnight. 159. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Is it perfect? My body deserves love. 243. Alison Boulter. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 226. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Erma Bombeck. How do astronomers organize a party? Honolulu, its got everything. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. There are endless opportunities. Best friends eat your food. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Life always offers you a second chance. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 1. Ben Hogan. I dont suffer from insanity. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. You never run out of things that can go wrong. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. 148. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 83. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.